Need to make some changes.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  Not sure if it was the headache I still had from last night of the voice of my 5 year old telling me she wished she wasn't my kids just before she went to bed.  Getting her ready for school meant some yelling, griping, not nice words (from all involved) at times and today it was more heart wrenching heartache words from that same little girl.  She told me that she didn't like home cause she never has any fun here, she likes school cause its fun.  I immediately started crying, not because of what she she said, but because what she said was true.  I'm really putting myself out there and saying some truths that some of you may think I truly am a bad mother, because what I say is the truth.  I have said over and over I want to change and do better and be better, but I never do, or I might for a while then go right back.  I always dreamed of the mom I thought I would be, or wanted to be and I get very discouraged because I am not that mom.  I admit I do not spend enough time with my kids, actually not really much at all.  I get mixed up or waste time on the computer, FB, watching TV, some cleaning and laundry is in there, but its the bare minimum. Its much easier to send the kids upstairs to play or watch a movie and lately its been really easy cause they have been playing so well together.  It usually starts out as, "Go play while I empty the dishwasher, or fold these clothes."  Then I get done with that and they are still playing nicely, so I do something else, then something else and before you know it, its time to do something else, like get lunch ready, or nap, or dinner, then before I know it its bedtime and I have not spent any time playing with my kids or enjoying them.  The time spent with them most of the time is cleaning up a mess they've made while I'm "busy" doing something else.  Then while doing that, they are off destroying something else and its just following them around putting out fires.  I know thats what its all about having so many small children, but it doesn't give me the excuse to not spend time with them.  I always wanted to be that mom that did fun crafts with my kids or played games with them, or read stories all the time, or play ball with them and what do I do?  Push them aside "for later".


Loy started a study with some of the guys from church.  They are reading a book and then Skyping and discussing.  He stared the book Sunday and decided to read it out loud so I could hear too.  It really cut me especially the part about craving happiness. I think I fall under this catagory.  He talks about looking for what makes us happy in this world.  For me I know its shopping and stuff.  Trying to find those "things" that will make me happy.  Like I want patio furniture for my porch.  Yes it will be enjoyable because I will be able to use that item to enjoy the outside and relax, but its all consuming.  I scour Craigslist looking for "just the right thing".  Or I want a new car.  My car is having problems that need fixed, the seat is torn up, it gets terrible gas milage and I'm just bored with it.  I got married, then I wanted a baby, then I wanted to go back to school, then I wanted to move out to the country, then I needed to build a new house, then I had to go to work.  Now I want a vegetable garden and learn how to can, and I want chickens and goats and maybe some cows and I want to plant a fruit orchard.  And you may look at those things and think there is nothing wrong with that, but there is when it is all consuming and I spend my time dreaming, thinking about and "researching" these things on the internet.  I'm always wanting something more or different then what I have right here, right now.  If this is the way I am now, who's to say when I get those things, I will be happy then.  I don't think I will be.  So I need to change my attitude or my outlook.  In the book the author talks about hungering for righteousness.  He talks about Matthew 5:6 in which Jesus says in the , "⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled."  He points out that He doesn't say "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for happiness" because that will just leave us disappointed.  Instead we need to be looking and searching for what will make us like Christ and when we focus on this righteousness we will be happy and we will be happy in our lives and we don't have to look elsewhere for our happiness.  I the next section he talks about the parallel to the tree planted by the streams of water and are deep in the Word of God.  Roots deep in the holiness of God will survive unlike those that are surface roots of the world; money, power, things, and many other things.  If we have roots like this we will be uprooted and continuously be searching again for happiness.  But if we sink our roots deep in the pursuit  God and godliness we will have joy and true happiness.


So my plan for now?  I am going to find happiness in what I am, a housewife and mother.  I get bored doing the house work, laundry, cleaning toilets, dirty dishes, cleaning up toys and the list goes on and on.  And those things don't seem glamourous, but I need to change my outlook.  They are glamourous.  They are because I should happiness that I have a house to clean, we have enough clothes that I can never get caught up on the laundry, we have indoor plumbing and toilets inside this house we own, we have food that dirty those dishes, we have enough money that we are able to buy things for our kids, whether they need it or not.  I feel like I am dishonoring my husband by not taking care of the house.  He works very hard away from home making a living for us.  He should be able to come home to a clean, happy home where he can relax and unwind from his day.  i am going to try my hardest to do these things, for him.  Then my kids.  I have amazing kids!  I truly do, they are smart, funny, creative and healthy.  I am going to miss this part of their life if I continuously shove them aside till later.  I want to have a good, strong relationship with my kids.  I want them to think I am fun and we have a good time together and they are also well behaved, both at home and away from home.  I want my kids to think its fun  to be home.  Leave it to kids to tell you the truth and how things really are.  I knew I was struggling with these things and have plans to change, but when you hear it from the mouth of babes, you know things need to change.  How sad it is to think my kids don't like to be home with me. 


So, I'm going to work on changing.  I'm not going to think about "things" that I want and think will make me happy, instead I'm going to spend more time with the things I have and are important.  No more stuff.  I need to do my job that I was appointed to do.  I want to be able to get up in the mornings, early, before everyone else and spend time with God, in His word and praying.  What would be a better way to start the day and get me in the right mind.  My problem is getting up in the morning, I can't get up early until I absolutely have to.  How do I fix that?  I need to figure it out because it is something I really need to do.


This is a very long post but I'm not thinking anyone will read it anyway, so it is mostly for me and a way to get things out there and off my chest.  If you did read this and have tips or advice, leave them for me, or just say a prayer for me as I struggle with this daily.  here are a few pictures to remind me of my blessings.

My wonderful, loving, supportive, devoted husband of almost 8 years (how did I get so lucky?)

Sweet, funny, lovable, all-boy Andrew

Funny, stubborn, quirky, curly-haired beauty Claire

Smart, creative, spunky, caring Grace

Yes, this is a material item, but it is where all my other blessings reside in one place, together.

Making progress...slowly.

I decided I was ready to start working on a flower bed for the front of the house about 3 weeks ago.  I took some "before" pictures (but I won't post those till I have the "after" pictures too) and dug in, literally.  I laid out the shape with the water hose

Then I dug the cut the sod out, then rolled it all, all by myself, then moved it to other spots that needed it, all by myself.  It was tough work.  I rolled it while squatting for about 2.5 hours.  I was sore for the next three days!!

Then I added plastic edging and got the kids to help me.

Then about a week later I decided to rent a tiller to turn the dirt over because it was so tough.  Being around the house it got lots of traffic, large equipment, trucks, lots of stuff compacting that soil so hard it was just holding water and not soaking in at all and I could not even get the shovel to turn it over in some places.

Here is Loy using it for me.  But before this, he had to use the tractor and the box blade to break the soil up because that is how hard it was, the tiller couldn't even dig in!  And this is the way it sits.  I have done some work on it.  I wanted to add leaves to it then put weed fabric over it, but without something (mulch) to go over it to hold it down it did no good.  I worked, in the wind (stupid I know, but when you have a moment you take it), gathering and spreading leaves and then putting down the fabric for about an hour for it all to go to waste in the end because the wind blew it all away.  Boo...  So I will not do anymore work on that till I can have the mulch in hand to put on top of the fabric to hold it down.  I plan to go get the free mulch, but timing and finding it.  Humph...

Here are a picture of some flowers that broke off the plants I bought at Lowe's on clearance. 

And here is a sneak peak of our next project we started this last weekend...

More on this soon.

Projects!

"We now have to have projects."  My husband says with slight distain.

"Hey, I haven't got to do much 'projects' in years, its time!"  I defend

I can now get back to enjoying projects of all kinds.  Sewing, photography (still learning), the decorating, and hopefully soon building things.  It has been about 4 years since I have been able to do anything like this.  Both with having small kids, going to school, then working full time, and just not having any room to do projects, it has been a long drought.  Sure I have done a few sewing projects; kids Halloween costumes, a duvet cover for Grace (which is now ruined), and a few other odds and ends things, but nothing big.  It was just too much to take on a project in that small trailer.  I had to drag everything out and if it was say, sewing, I had to use the dining room table, well more than likely, I would not finish in the first day, so by meal time, I had to pack everything up and put it away so that we could eat on our dining room table.  Just a pain!

But anyway, I can now have projects.  I debated on what to do with the girls room and their bed.  I was originally going to do two matching twin beds, in which I found two wrought iron WWII quartermaster hospital beds (or so I was told) for a good price, then I sent them to my husbands uncle to sand blast for me.  Well, I had only received one finished after 3 years, so I had to kinda figure something else out.  My concern turned to the lack of a guest room.  Where was I going to put my guest when they came to stay?  On the couch, on the floor, in separate beds?  Then I decided my best bet was to have the girls share a queen bed and then I have a guest bed!!  Now I know some of you think its not fair to have them share a bed, but so far they are loving it and they are so small its like they have their own bed.  If they decided in the future they don't want to share, I think there is enough room in there room that we can put a twin bed in there also, but till then they can share.


This was my first project and really my first furniture project.  I found this bed on Craigslist for $125.  (this is just the footboard, I forgot to take a picture of the headboard before).  I thought it was a pretty good price for a solid wood bed.  Then I went to Lowes and bought supplies- orbital sander pads, primer, paint, paint brushes and rollers and got working!  It took me two days to sand the booger!  I used the orbital for as much as I could, then did the rest by hand, in between the cracks and around the curves.

Foot board

Head board

Here it is after paint.  I decided to paint it white and then distress it to give it the cottage feel.  It took me two days to prime and paint and then a day to sand. (not full days, but a few hours a day).  And the final results...

I found a duvet cover at Target on clearance in their Shabby Chic section that I thought would look just perfect and since I already had the duvet, it was perfect!

Another view.  I really liked doing it.  The sanding part was the artistic part, I felt.  It was really fun.  I went through so many sander pads though.

After it was all said and done I probably spent more on the bed then I was hoping.  We already had the mattress but had to buy a box springs, plus the all the painting materials and the duvet cover, it was probably more than my original "This is a really good price!" thought.  Oh well, it was fun and now I just need to finish decorating the rest of their room.  I plan on doing it in a shabby chic kind of theme, but not over the top.  Antiques, feminine, and cute.  I have a few ideas, so stay tuned in the future.

Memories of a new home

This is a post making fun of me mostly.  Its also a lesson in think before you speak.  This story is about looking back at a few memories that I have of my new home, Oklahoma.  Loy and I started dating in the summer of 2002.  In 2003 the week of Spring Break I drove to Oklahoma to visit my boyfriend.  On the weekend we went to his parents house for a visit.  So lets set the scene... we are driving down to Southeasten Oklahoma from central Oklahoma.  For one, I have never really seen as many trees along to road or around than here (besides CO) and we are driving down the road at 65 (more like 70-80) down the road.  So flying down the road I'm watching out the window, enjoying the scenery.  Then it comes... (I'm already laughing) "Why did they spray paint those trees purple?"  I ask.  

"WHAT?!" Loy says.  

Agin "Why did they spray paint those trees purple?"  

"Those are Redbud trees and those are the blooms!"

Doh!!!

Example of what trees along the road look like (think going 70 miles an hour  past them)

So in my defense, these little trees are in amongst all the other hundreds of trees along the road and when your flying down the road it just looks like there are trees just sporadically colored a different color.  To me it looked like the ones sticking out farther than the others were the ones that were a different color.  And never having seen a Redbud tree, I had no idea.  Upon closer inspection I saw that they were really buds, and purple, not RED!   

These trees are beautiful and one of the things I come to love about Oklahoma and look forward to every spring.  Of course, its also a good reason to laugh at me every year.

Other memories of my new home, include Scissor- Tailed Flycatchers.  

First experience watching them was shortly after the redbud incident.  We were in a parking lot, like at Wal-mart or something at night, sitting by a light pole

and here are these two beautiful birds snatching up all the bugs they could.  The way they flew through the air, whipping their tails to dive and chase the birds was mesmerizing.  I still love sitting and watching these birds in the air. 

My first memory, includes my now brother and sister-in-law, who brought me to Oklahoma for the sole purpose for me to "marry her brother" (another story for anther time).  I piled in their car with their oldest son who was 2 at the time and drove to Oklahoma from New Mexico, heading to Lake Eufaula.  On the trip there I got to experience singing/learning "Oklahoma" as we cross the Oklahoma boarder.  Then I was quizzed.  "Whats that say?"  (Looking at a town name)  And I had to pronounce all these really crazy names of towns, where I was laughed at a few time for my funny pronunciation, or total butchering.  Things like Anadarko, Pottawatomie, Pontotoc, Checotah, Muskogee, Okmulgee, Tahlequah, Pawhuska, Tecumseh, Wapanucka and others.  They stared out just looking at the signs along the road, then they pulled out the map.  I was getting pretty good at it.  We had some good laughs though.

These are all precious memories I have of this place that I soon after learned would become my home.  The place I would live, build my family, make new friends and build my life.  I has been a great almost 8 years and I am still learning about Oklahoma and all its beauty and wonder.  

Whats your favorite memory of Oklahoma or maybe you have similar memories of a place you now call home?  I would love for you to share.  There is just something magical about learning about all a state or area in the country has to offer and how its different than what we grew up with. 

Snow days, snow daze.

So obviously this is a back post, but I wanted to share these picture.  Shortly after we moved in we got be break in the wood stove

just in time for Sno-kahoma or Sno-magedon as it was so lovingly became known as, not just in Oklahoma but across the nation.  The first storm hit on a Monday night while I was a work and I had to drive home in blizzard and snow drifts and straight horizontal blowing snow.  School was closed for 3 days with this storm (if my memory is correct)  Loy got to stay home a couple of those days.  Friday Grace went to school.  The next storm hit just a couple days later, while I was at work, and I had to drive home in it, but this storm was much more pleasant because it was minus the 50 mile an hour wind.  Again, no school for another two days and Loy home one of those days.  This time we got to go outside and PLAY!  It was alot of fun and we had a blast.  Not great snow for making snowballs, although we did our best, or a snowman, but we still had fun.

Snow angels, with help from Belle.

Daddy and Claire

"I'm gonna getcha Momma!"

Watch out behind you Grace!!!

Claire was not having much fun.

The snow was so deep that Belle couldn't walk through it well.  It was so funny to watch her run in it.

The dogs had a blast too

Andrew, Belle and I went for a walk down to the pond, but Belle couldn't make it so I had to carry her.

Awww...

The White House in the white snow.

Catching up

I uploaded some pictures from my camera finally and decided its time to do some catch up postings with pictures.  First I'll start with the last pictures from our building process.  This will be quite picture heavy, so just be aware.

A few of the kitchen.  We ended up having to get a different dishwasher because the silverware drawer hit the handle of the dishwasher.  Its not a Maytag like the rest of the appliances, but I do not care, at least I can open my silverware drawer without having to open the dishwasher every time.

My faucet that was another had to have items.  I love it.  Its from Huntington Brass and is brass and heavy.  I really like it.

Drawer pulls in the kitchen. Still dirty and dusty.

Door pulls.  Plain and simple.

A full view of the kitchen.  Before paint and stain touch up, thats why the bar legs are still unstained.

On to the bathrooms...

Powder room.  

Bathroom faucets.  All look the same.

Kids bathroom.  Best picture I could get of vanity, mirror and light.

Cute towel hooks for all three kids.

Master bath vanities.

His side of shower.

Her side with personal hand shower.

Lighting is really bad, but this is the family room from the kitchen

From the family room looking into formal living room.

Looking down the stairwell. (still dirty)

Master bedroom with carpet.

Looking down hallway towards stairwell

Hall and banister going around to master bedroom.

And last but not least a family picnic in our new house before we moved in.  It was fun,  nothing fancy, just sandwiches, but the kids liked it.